Today is the Morning of the 2nd Surgery for the pancreatic stint, I’m going back to Del Web in about ½ half hour, I’m a little nervous not only about the second surgery but about going back to Dell Webb Hospital since the incident with that very ignorant doctor that discharged me after 5 days giving me Fentanyl and Percocet to keep me out of pain while their saying the only thing wrong with me was constipation and stopped all medical treatment after finding out that I use cannabis and am an activist for cannabis rights.  I know that everything will be ok but you still get those before surgery jitters.

If any of you have ever gone in for surgery especially recently, you have heard the “don’t smoke medical marijuana for 48 hours prior to surgery” speech and to their credit I agree, if you have any kind of lung problems from as simple as a cold to as serious as lung cancer or disease, please don’t smoke before unless you know how your going to react, because it can cause complications, that being said, I have my lungs checked regularly because I’m prone to pneumonia during the winter months, so do as I say not as I do lol.  I have smoked for several years and honestly it helps to keep me calm during pre-op if I medicate before, along with keeping my witty comedic sense of humor during a time that 20 different strangers are coming in and out of a room made solely of curtains while your business is on display for not only the 20 people in and out of your room made of curtains but everyone in the general area when they went through the curtain walls.  I haven’t had any complications in surgery from medicating with cannabis up to 2 hours prior to surgery, but Don’t do this at home kids, do it in the hospital… JK.

Stress always seems to come to a boil at the worst possible time and this has really been a rough year for us from surgeries to hospitalizations and miss-budgets, we really have had to learn to stretch a budget with my income being dissolved.  Then between cancer, hospitalizations, surgeries, not to mention weekly doctors’ appointments, daily medication, bathroom schedules, and eating schedules, physical therapy, and immune deficiency which means if anyone around me gets sick so am I… which causes my spouse to miss time at work and use up his vacation to where not only do neither one of us get a vacation ever, my poor spouse has to work and take care of me, with No time off!!  Boy am I glad he loves me and I put out, just kidding, but not really, where would I be if he got tired, tired of working all the time and not getting that time to rest.

What do you think happens in the heads of patients like me, that so desperately want that vacation, some develop some pretty significant additions to escape the pain a desperation, because every blow-up is significant to us every breakdown could be the one that finally pushes us over the edge, to grasp at that desperation of vacation for so long that something bad happens like O.D. or suicide and sometimes the line between the two is so thin you can’t see where one ends and the other begins.  Guys, I’m not suicidal right now I have been in the past but if any of you are ever feeling as if suicide is the only thing that makes sense smoke a bowl an entire bowl, then call the suicide prevention hotline number and website are here 1-800-273-8255.  Seeking help isn’t a weakness it’s a hidden power within all of us to share our story and positively affect change!


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