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Bad Days…….

Yes, we all have bad days, from the time we wake-up in the morning until the time we go to bed.  So what makes our bad days different from the “Healthy” person’s bad day?  That’s right I’m going to tell you when a person “wakes up on the wrong side of the bed” and they are cranky, anything can just annoy the hell out of you.  Next time you feel that way observe what’s going on around you, how you feel, did you get enough sleep, etc..  You will notice small things maybe you’re having allergies, maybe you’re coming down with a cold whatever it is there is usually a reason why.

With the disabled patient (cancer, PTSD, anxiety etc.) we are having the same our bodies are telling us something is wrong only we can’t always say what it is we may not know.  My bad days usually consists of pain (but that’s good it tells me am still here) weakness in my muscles, my blood pressure will drop down so low I have to use a walker because I am dizzy, or raise so high all I can do is shake, vomiting, cleaning up the vomit and then vomiting again and again until moving hurts.   Catheters start becoming extremely painful but it’s more painful with a full bladder.  I pee blood and vomit blood daily and I have to be extremely diligent to drink fluids because I dehydrate very quickly.  One bad day for me lasts about a week for me to recover from unless I get hospitalized then it’s more like 2 weeks.

How do I prevent a bad day?   Most of the time as long as you’re eating right, drinking plenty of fluids, get plenty of rest, and this one is the most important, find an outlet for stress.  You can pick any hobby that makes you happy, lets you relax, and gives you time to escape from reality, I write I can get things down on paper and escape into my world if only for a few minutes a day.  Stress is by far the worst thing for patients that have these chronic illnesses, it over stressed the body causing physical side effects.

If you are one of the patients, my best advice to you is, giving in and allowing the people or things that because you the most stress create boundaries with these people or things.  Boundaries are not always bad they protect us as well.

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Stress, Cancer and Cannabis

Welcome back to Free My Cure blog.  One of the questions I get asked the most about is stress.  How does the stress of terminal cancer affect your day to day life?  I think we all have stress issues brought on by a multitude of reasons, however having terminal cancer doesn’t cause the stress to be worse it does have a profound impact on my physical ailments.  Because of Cancer and Chemo, I have suffered medical issues such as Ulcerative Colitis, Interstitial cystitis, Ulcers, C-diff, Gerd, and a compromised immune system, and broken teeth that are very easily irritated by stress.

My personal biggest stress is my employer, that’s the reason for today’s post.  I was told by my boss and HR and I quote “we’re sympathetic to your situation but we don’t believe in cannabis”, yep you got it right they asked me to choose my life or my job.  Well, you can imagine my motivations now to get cannabis legalized.  Big Pharma kills thousands of people every year, leaving the families and friends left behind to pick up the pieces but cannabis helps to rebuild the cells left behind after chemo.  I have personally done 4 rounds of chemo.  1st round was after my youngest son and his stillborn twin was born it lasted 14 weeks.  Round 2 was when I found out that the endometriosis had spread, I went into surgery to have it removed when we found out it was endometrium cancer it lasted 22 weeks.  The 3rd time was endometrial cancer again I know crazy no female organs left and I couldn’t take hormones so menopause here we come it lasted 24 weeks.  The 4th and last treatment was for bladder cancer it lasted 30 weeks, it didn’t reduce the size but it did stop it from growing.

And here we are, 42 years old, that’s 24 years of cancer and illness, the funny part, maybe not so funny just ironic, I NEVER used anything but Big Pharma, no street drugs, I haven’t consumed alcohol in at least 10 years, cut out caffeine and eat mostly healthy and I’ve spent most of my adult life sick, Cancer doesn’t discriminate It loves life as much as we do, it just want’s our lives.  To me cancer isn’t a disease it’s a living creature that crawls through the night to find you sleeping peacefully, it grabs you it holds you tight giving you a false sense of security whispering “I’m here for you” all the while the grip gets tighter and tighter making breathing almost impossible choking for air and wishing this could just be over.

Cancer patients get tired, so tired it makes our hearts hurt literally hurt not because we’re dying but because our family and friends have to pick up the pieces when we’re gone for our kids for all of our loved ones.  So the next time you look into the eyes of a cancer worrier don’t ask how we are it doesn’t change much we’re scared we hurt we’re tired and we just want to take your pain away, instead just offer a hug and say something like I’m so happy your still here.  We then don’t have to lie to you and tell you we’re okay when we aren’t.

 

Fuck Cancer

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Depression and Cannabis

What is depression?

Depression is a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.

Okay, so what does this actually mean and feel like and who can get depression?  To answer this question I would like to use the most public tragedy I can think of that everyone can relate to, so please understand this is not intended to insult or hurt anyone.

We are going to time travel back to August 11, 2014, I had been admitted into the hospital, big surprise, because of a really bad kidney and bladder infection and my son came to see me in the hospital and he told me Robin Williams took his life, may he rest in peace, he was by far one of my favorite celebrities.  A man that brought so much laughter into my life and so many other people’s lives took his own life because of depression.  Depression affects everyone not just the depressed.  I have been depressed for so many years because of my health, because of the burden I put on my own kids and family.  We as cancer patients and depression patients know our family and friends are always there for us but we are afraid to let you see our pain because we know you can’t make it stop and we don’t want to bring you down with us.  We see and feel our pain every minute of every day, it’s not fair to for our families to feel it and see it every minute of every day so our favorite response to how are you today is “okay” even though it’s not always true.

I was first put on antidepressants when I was 26.  We did the whole try this drug, no didn’t work ok try this drug.  I was put on so much medication that I would literally forget where I was, who I was, and what I was doing.  I had to ask my other half where our bathroom was, yes really, and we had lived here for 5 years.  I was head fast though I was going to make it through now 16 years later, I have been on cannabis for 2 years and I have been off the antidepressants now for a year and my memory has gotten better not perfect but better, the groggy feeling has gone away for the most part and I’m setting goals and working towards my legacy.

Before Cannabis oddly I didn’t think about my legacy because of that meant death to me now I see it as a way for the work that I’m doing to live on after I’m gone.

For all of you depression cases and PTSD cases look into the Cannabis option there are so many other feelings out there than depression.  Depression can sneak up on you and start whispering in your ear even before you know it’s there.  It will squeeze you tight, just to make you think it loves you until it holds on so tightly that you can’t feel your fingers and toes and it moves through you like a cold shiver through your entire body until all you feel is darkness.  Breathing becomes harder and harder faster and faster.  Your head spins you until you can’t recognize yourself any longer.  It steals your dreams by whispering how unworthy you are, and you believe it because it’s all you can hear now. It hides in your dreams waiting for that perfect moment to spring out and bring you collapsing to the ground.  It whispers I love you and tells says nobody else can love you because you are damaged and again you believe it because it is all you can hear.  You stay at home in your pajamas all day not showering, because now you believe you aren’t worthy.  You go to dr. after dr. and get medication after medication, all the while the voice may get softer it doesn’t go away.

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Diabetes and Cannabis

Diabetes and Cannabis has been a new learning experience for us since Silent Haze is a type 2 diabetic, it means he had to self-inject insulin anywhere from 2 to 3 times a day as needed depending on what he is eating that day to counter the sugar that’s already in your foods.  Now this is the fun part, because Silent Haze has had pre-cancerous Ulcerative Colitis when he was 15 and then later in his 30’s he had to have the entire large intestines and 90% rectum and colon removed, and large treatments of prednisone and other medications (opioids for pain) were given to him several times daily for up to 60 day’s which caused the diabetes.  During this time Silent-Haze was hospitalized for 6 weeks.

A typical day for me is I’m up at 4 am Monday through Friday, I don’t really eat that early in the morning but Doc is usually close by with peanut butter and honey toast before I shuffle off to work.  This morning started out at about 2:30 am when Doc woke up to my blood sugar crashing (I was at 31 and dropping), now for those of you that have never done this it’s no fun the patient usually ends up very sore, bad muscle cramps during this process.  The patient as long as conscious you can try to rub honey or sugar syrup inside their checks but if they are unresponsive call 911 ASAP, I can’t stress this enough.  This morning was a 911 morning sadly, but he is doing better now, Thank God.

Silent Haze has two different types of crashing one that when he’s awake he will get hyper (start running and playing like a 5-year-old, he will talk like a 5-year-old and reason like a 5-year-old until his blood sugar starts reaching closer to 100.  Now during this time you MUST keep an eye on them they are not steady and their ideas aren’t always the best, they will still need help getting the sugar into their system but do it slowly with small pieces, once you see the light coming back in the eyes you can usually stop giving sugar and move to a carbohydrate or protein, I usually use peanut butter toast with a little honey.  Just pushing the sugar is no good!  Sugar is a quick high but it’s also a quick drop so make sure you have something solid for the body to restore sugar levels for the rest of the day.

The medics finally came, they just walk in the front door at 2:30 am.  I point them to the master bedroom and there goes all 6 of them to revive my man thank God!  I’m trying to get clothes on before my house is full of people I don’t know, nor do I want them to see me that way, and getting the dogs out in the yard making sure front door unlocked lot’s to do in emergencies.  Well, I wish it was just here’s a shot, give ya a sec, and you’re good to go, NOPE…  I go to the kitchen to make Silent Haze’s peanut butter toast and honey because the glucose doesn’t last long, and he’s still not awake.  I’m looking around and asking why I don’t see his eyeballs and we ran into yet another problem that you also need to be aware of with diabetics and that’s dehydration when they start this spiraling crash they will pour sweat so, please be sure to hydrate after a crash.   Silent Haze is finally coming back to and wanting the paramedic off our bed and me back on it next to him, he was really sweet; however these crashes don’t always end in sweet, please remember when reviving a diabetic they can get confused sometimes try moving and hitting, this is not intentional and most diabetics will remember parts and pieces they just don’t have full control.

Now that we have added cannabis to his diet we are now having to reduce the ml of Type N Insulin from 30ml to 20ml, we haven’t changed his menu at this point, we are eating more mindfully, dinner is now on a schedule, and he takes his lunch to work and setup snack times around the work schedule to keep his sugars more level during the day and it seems to be working.  At night though it’s has been 2 times this month I couldn’t wake him up his sugar just comes up on the machines and say’s LOW I hate that I want to cry everytime they say it.  All I can do at this point is call 911 and have them revive him, we will be starting a CBD and TCH treatment with the RSO oil and see if we can get steadier levels.  We have found that higher levels of THC are mentally preparing him when he’s crashing, he can feel the difference when his blood sugar is dropping even with a blood sugar level of 32 he was able to recognize he was crashing, he was able to get sugar and start eating it, and he can tell when to stop eating the sugar and move to a meal.

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Silent Haze

I grew up the youngest of 3 children, I have 3 kids (all grown the youngest is in college) and Doc Green and I have been together for about 8 years now.

My story is a little different from Doc Green I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at the age of 15 I ended up having to have several major surgeries, spent months in the hospital, had to have my large intestines and prostate were removed and after all is said and done I have diabetes because of a drug I had to take to save my life (sadly the medication is prednisone the best medication for this illness at that time).

Now it’s a day to day struggle to keep my sugar levels stay as level as possible.  I have gone from starting to have a diabetic crash and I had no idea what was going on.  It is scary at times.  I’ll go to bed and be fine and start crashing wake up and I can’t speak words only gibberish.  Medical Cannabis has changed that I know when I’m crashing now and I don’t crash daily anymore it’s closer to weekly to monthly.

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About Nicola Dickens

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About Nicola Dickens, Blogger, Social Media Creator, WordPress designer, Cancer Patient and Cannabis Patient extraordinaire

I think I have a unique and interesting story and I really hope you do too but if not, no hate needed we are all here to live our lives as someone is watching to pretend that our mental lives mean something in this large vast of space around us, and by space no I don’t mean actual space I mean tech space.  I have been asked to write a biography for so many different projects that I’ve worked on but until recently I always changed my persona online but I have had my “aha” moment.  For those of you that haven’t had one, you got to have one!! OMG outta this world you’ll get really focused you’ll just start plugging away and all of a sudden you have 15 pages of written material, I know where to start my blog, and I’m ready to do my profile for the first time in my life.  How did I have this “Aha” moment (you know I’m going to tell Ya, but first my story)?

I am a 42-year-old woman with two grown ass adult sons, yes this is my first job and the hardest of all.  Wow, if I can live through 20 years of teenage boys, 4 different types of cancer, even more, different cancer treatments, Pills, pills, and more pills, OMG in the 90’s narcotic meds out the ass more and more people getting hooked on opioids, and everything else.  I had my first cancer fight in the 90’s it was cervical cancer (relatively easy though) laser oblation surgery keep your feet up for the weekend go back to work Monday morning kind of thing.  I hadn’t had any kids at this point and I still very much so wanted my 2 boys (kind of funny my brother and I sat down when we were younger and I remember him saying he didn’t want kids and I wanted 2 boys I didn’t want girls to go through what I was and I have 2 boys and he has two nephew’s).

 

So I was in a relationship and planning a wedding when I started to bleed very heavy for the first time, the pain was so bad it dropped me to my knees, I had no idea what had happened all I knew was that it hurt and I needed help.  My fiancé at the time rushed home to take me to ER because you know we were young adults and we knew everything except how to dial 911, go figure.  So by the time I got to the hospital we found out I was having a miscarriage and had to have an emergency DNC and had to have a biopsy, they kept me in the hospital overnight I think when it was all over with, back then if you’re keeping your pills down, if they don’t have any more tests to run, and you are stable you got kicked out none of this week thing unless absolutely necessary.  I get a call from my Dr’s office telling me to come in we have to talk, which if there are any other doctors reading this, this is the worst thing your office can do to us patients “we need to talk about your results come in and we’re not going to tell you until you come in.  STOP THAT!) The stress alone wears us out.  Yes, we went to the doctor and yes I swear it felt like I had been sitting there for hours when I was finally called back.  The doctor proceeds to tell me the diameter of the biopsy that he took, color, shape, and blah blah blah.  This poor doctor, let me tell you his nurse is standing on one side of the table my tummy is open for the pushing test (does this hurt, Ya know hell yeah it hurts why ask you can feel my body jump duh) and she is intently trying to get a piece of fuzz out of my belly button, yes I said that right my belly button, next to the nurse was my mom oddly looking back and forth at me and the nurse, at the foot of the table was my fiancé intensely listening to what the doctor was saying, because again we are young educated adults and we know what we’re doing (I know I’m laughing with you).  The Doctor is at the top of the table looking over me and everyone else in the room and he broke it to us, that it would be very hard to get pregnant because of the amount of Endometriosis I had and cysts were just popping like mush and they had to go back in a couple of times to clean out my uterus.

By the middle of 1996 we found out I was pregnant again, we did a home pregnancy test I waited 2 months before going to the doctor for prenatal, mostly because I was scared if I said anything I would have lost him too) but it was ok I went to my first prenatal visit with my oldest son and I was able to hear his heart beat and by this time we were already married (not that it matters but just so you did know).  And then here is comes the doctor takes you into the back office to talk to you all and back then it was really cool the physicians gave diaper bags with baby needs, this program needs to come back if it’s not.  Then there was the suggested reading list and I’m all happy sweet I gotta read!  My husband, not a reader, I don’t think he used the box for anything other than a coaster or fly swatter.  So these books what to expect when you are expecting and so on, first off have some good information and I’m happy I read them, the down side, will somebody please pull all of these writers together and give clearer advice OMG and if you don’t have kids I don’t want to hear your opinion unless it’s suggestion and polite and I’m still not going to listen!

November of 1996 comes around and I start what they were calling Braxton hicks, so I was rushed to the hospital because my oldest son wasn’t due until the end of February and we were terrified I was going to miscarriage again, they got me hooked up to every machine in the hospital I felt like I was going in to be electrocuted OMG!  So after about an hour of this fun adventure, they start taking machines off me and explained to me that the endometriosis is changing form and I had a couple of options 1.  Take the rest of the time off work to have my son and stay on bed rest.  2.  Continue to work but with doctor’s refusal.  3.  Another DNC and try again in a year.  Needless to say my husband and I never saw him again.

I went into work on the way home from the doctor and discussed with them that I was going to be needing to take this time off, they were really awesome, they even threw me a baby shower on my last day before maternity leave.  As the month of November was ending and December was starting I kept having more and more Braxton hicks, we found out that I was very anemic and I was really having a hard time with the pregnancy and was ready to ask how much longer before it’s safe I had already been hospitalized 4 times.  January 10, 1997, I had my last one-week checkup, the doctor said I had already started to dilate and it’s time they couldn’t stop it this time.  So here we are again first time parents, come on say it with me “We knew everything” the doctor asks us do you want me to call an ambulance, we (Smart Young People) say no well just take the freeway it’s right there over 45 miles away.  (Yes we were dumbasses) We finally pull up to the ER with cops behind us it looked like we had just robbed a bank)  Now here’s the visual we pull up to the ER where the ambulances go, 2 cops I believe come squealing in behind us by this time my husband is out the driver truck door, leaving door wide open and engine running, running around the truck like a crazy one man  Chinese fire drill game (mind you we were both early 20’s and he was already losing his hair looking 10 years older than me) I’m screaming in the front seat of the truck trying to get the door open just trying to get out of the truck before I felt like I was going to poop myself using every swear word I know, Now picture this little 5 foot 4inch 120lb girl that looks like she’s 16 very obviously pregnant the looks in those cops eyes was pure fear, they asked my husband what was going on asked us for ids they ran those, came back and asked the doctor’s if everything was ok and normal they just wanted to make sure, doctors said nope pretty normal, and then the officers pop just their heads in the crack in the door to hand my husband back our id’s and the cop looked him dead in the eye and asked “dude you ok we protect men from women to”.  It was funny and for a great laugh but wouldn’t you now it labor stopped, everything stopped, the nurses called the doctor he came in ran some tests our son was in no distress, I wasn’t as dilated as before, so they monitored me for several hours and sent us home.  I had a couple really good days, because we had a microburst touchdown where we lived and grounds people were out we didn’t have electricity for a few hours but other than that, it was beautiful, I would be cleaning the house and finishing decorate my oldest sons room and there was a balcony and I had the sliding glass door open and I was laying on the floor smelling the fresh cut grass and fresh trimmed roses under your window, the air was brisk so as you smelled in the fresh trimmings it was a cold and sweet like a guest home in the forest.  My husband had gone back to work and he always left between 5 am and 5:30 am and it was January 14, 1997, and all of a sudden I have this rushing of urine or something sensation, so I did what any reasonable person would do is go sit on the toilet (hahaha).  So I’m sitting there and it’s not stopping and I’m frantically looking around thinking phone cordless phone (yes kids cordless phones are phones that plug into the wall and you can walk all over your house with no cord definitely not as cool as the cell phone so thank an old person if we didn’t like the idea of those so many phones wouldn’t be where they are today).  Upon finding the phone and paging my husband, then calling his work, then calling the owner’s personal phone all in like 5 minutes so even if he was trying to call me back I would have had no clue but it was his fault I couldn’t get ahold of him fast enough lol that 2 edge sword sorry guys love ya but … ya… I’m talking to the owners wife who then proceeds to say I’m an expert at this I’ve had I don’t remember how many kids and blah blah, so she asks me where I’m at right then and I tell her sitting on the toilet, and she screams get off the toilet go stand in the shower you don’t want your baby to fall into the toilet, so of course now that she has scared the unholy shit out of me just by yelling because this was a relatively calm conversation, up to this point, if I didn’t shut him out then I’m pretty true I was safe but I got in the shower anyway my husband is in the car racing home to get me to then take me to the hospital again because brains didn’t connect 911, phone, call, duh.  After 12 hours of labor my oldest son was born 6 weeks early feisty, always ready to call me out, always willing to learn a little from me to at times, but just like me strong willed, passionate, inquisitive, looking for that one thing that makes him shine brightly.

My youngest grown ass man came right after treatment had started for uterine cancer, I wasn’t feeling well for a week or two and I kept bleeding and we couldn’t figure out what was going on at this point in my life I had already had divorced my oldest son’s father, my son  was a year old, I had met a man that worked for my father and he rented a room to me when I left my first husband, he had two older girls from a previous marriage and my son and they got along ok the best toddlers could do.  I had some issues with daycare and work at the time so he allowed me to use his house as an in-home daycare, I then took care of his daughters and my son and we started living the married lifestyle.  I started to get sick again I started bleeding for 6 months straight the pain was excruciating I was going to an OBGYN that prescribed a medication that wasn’t fully tested for me and I ended up with a 30 day allergic reaction SO yes this means I took 100mg Benadryl every 6 to 8 hours, I had an epi pen to use everyday because it was a time-release medication, and then monitored 2 to 3 times per week at the hospital for the allergy until the 30 days were up, and all you get out of Doctors is we have no way of knowing if that’s going to happen to you, it’s a fun “job” managing my own healthcare crazy but I do pretty good.

It was around the first of the year in 1999 when I went to the doctor I was under a lot of stress I had my oldest son in the hospital with RSV pneumonia and my grandfather passed away, oddly my father’s father had passed away when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son, and yes when we found out I was pregnant with my youngest son and my other grandfather passes away my father did ask to make sure I was done having kids, lol and yes I was.  Back to finding out I had to go to an urgent care in a hospital during the day I was helping with my grandfather’s arrangements well, after some tests they found abnormal cells from a pap smear and said they were going to have to do a biopsy to test the cells but did I know I was pregnant, yep I’m sure you guessed it the only thing I could think to say was what the fuck, and I cried.  Now yes this is where I cried when most would have been happy, 1. Cancer screens start again.  2.  The waiting game.  The first two big ones, you don’t want to think about it if the test is negative, no need to stress if they are positive then I got some research to do, again 1999 technology wasn’t what it is and you didn’t know what to believe.  So during this waiting time you’re thinking ok I’m pregnant I guess I got to figure something out here then oh wait tests, so hormones temper calling dr office everyday all the kids running a successful business and it hits out of left field the pain dropped me to the ground screaming but this time I had a secret weapon I had built up the daycare to a full business and I had one of the best assistants in the world, she was my best friend and mother figure and she knew how to call 911…  so after 2 days in the hospital with more tubes than I had the first time, knowing I’m 2 months pregnant and I wasn’t losing my baby!  The first part of the pregnancy I didn’t do too bad I was on a safe treatment for him and me we thought, I had the sick all the fucking time morning sickness, and we just kept very close eye on me, I had to take the precautions about getting sick especially because I worked with kids.  As I went through my youngest son pregnancy we had a name picked out for him but my new husband at the time would joke and call my tummy George just being playful, the reason I mention this is because in August 1999 we found out I had been carrying twin boys and I started cramping and bleeding we believe from the treatment but aren’t really sure.  Because they were identical you deliver both together, the doctors put me back on bed rest and medications and I delivered both September 17, 1999.

From there they gave my youngest to my husband and started cleaning me up with the twin I hadn’t had any pain medications until after my son was born but they gave me a lot then I was floating, they could have done anything to me at that point.  They had to do a tubal ligation at the time they couldn’t risk another pregnancy while my husband and I were making our choice of treatments they admitted me in the hospital for 5 days with my youngest, this was the first time I was ever alone with my youngest son, and I was going crazy, with my oldest he went to the nursery sometimes not a lot but so I could take a nap, or shower, or whatever then they bring the baby back to the room to you, OMG no that’s not how it worked two years later they wouldn’t take him to the nursery if you had to sleep, oh well if you needed a shower oh well, if they just brought you back from biopsy oh well.  I wanted the hell out of that hospital it sucked so if you had a better experience hold on to it because the stories can be worse.

By January 2000 I am back in surgery for a partial hysterectomy and chemo for uterine cancer, I did my first real rounds of chemo and just wanted to die, take me out back and shoot me wasn’t a joke back then, I had signed a DNR I didn’t like this and I didn’t want to do it anymore.  I was hooked on some pretty serious pain medication I was going through another divorce I couldn’t get my drive back, that personal reason I woke up in the morning I was just floating through life.  I did that for too many years, I took the meds and the treatments the doctors told me to take, I lived but I forgot about life.  In 2007 I was back in surgery for the removal of ovaries and everything else because the endometriosis removals (6 over the years) showed the progression of cancerous endometrial cells growth and had also metastasized Interstitial Cystitis inside of the bladder which causes very painful bloody urine, Ya, could I get a fun disease like turret’s or something I could have fun with that, no offence intended but I think I would like that one.

 

Which brings us to today, I have stage 4 bladder cancer, with Interstitial Cystitis, Ulcerative Colitis, Gerd, depression, anxiety, I kicked a drug problem, I’m compassionate, I’m passionate, I have been able to stop most of my medications feel better and get so much more accomplished in one day sitting in my home office loving my job!  So my “aha” moment, I know I didn’t forget I told you I was going to tell you, now that you have heard my story my “aha” moment was when I started cannabis and let my inhibitions relax, I started looking around and learning, learning about me, learning about people, and learning how to take a tragic tale and show my viewer the beautiful story just inside.

Nicola’s GoFundMe

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